The best Anniversary gifts to give your woman

So your wife has been married for forty years to you.. That’s a hell of a long time to put up with one bloke, even if one or both of you may have strayed from time to time. So as you glance across the butter and marmalade at her, remember these few things.

Think of all that washing she has done; ironing; crying; sweating over exciting recipes for you to eat when you come home ( and you don’t even notice, ) All those white shirts she washed and ironed so you looked great each day for, usually, another woman to notice and appreciate. Its a great innings; a call for celebration or a medal, so lets head to it and see what the absolutely best things you can buy this lady for her wedding anniversary.

Lets look for Romance and Eroticism. Not comfort and familiarity! Don’t be looking in Marks and Spencer for fluffy slippers ( even if they have an outdoor sole) or a furry shawl. She isn’t one hundred so ‘don’t dress her like one. A Recipe Book will almost certainly get you NIL POINTS and a clip around the head. So based on my frivolous nature and not being one to admit my age or how many weddings I have had, lets go and look for the Perfect Gift; the most romantic Gift; the greatest gift for a Fortieth Wedding Anniversary. Splash the cash and flex that card, this is probably one of the last times you will be able to appreciate her before you pop your clogs.

Things to buy your love and ensure you make her smile

• Ruby is the stone for 40 years – but stick with diamonds. Rubies are strictly for really old Matrons. Make it big. Make it Sparkle. Make it seen and make it PINK!
• A wonderfully exotic holiday – away from the madding crowds with fine dining and luxury. Think air conditioned tents on Safari; Private Pods out in The Maldives – adults only, naturally! Or private yacht charters around the Greek Islands. Keep it small and keep it private.
• Some sexy lingerie just so she knows you still love, appreciate and fancy the socks off her and throw in some super sexy high heels to wear with it. Definitely for after lights out
• As mentioned above. Sexy shoes with ” fuck me” heels. It will make her feel super powerful and that’s an aphrodisiac, for both her and you.
• A Faberge Egg – or something extravagant and romantic and hard to source.
• Something in Fur. She can pretend she lives in Russia where no one cares about anything other than keeping warm. A Hat is good – a coat is double points!
• A convertible sports car – if it has the word economic or green in it. Ditch it!

Things NOT to buy your wife, unless you want her to be an ex wife

• A small yappy dog. She will end up having to take it for walks in the rain and hate you
• A serviceable winter coat. Anything offering the words “serviceable” or ” comfortable” should not be on your list. Anything bright and plastic should be kept for the bedroom only.
• A Food Mixer. However good the reviews are. F.F.S. – are you for real?
• Shoes that have comfort linings or soles – there we go again, that word ” comfort!”
• And whilst we are on footwear – forget slippers, however fluffy. If she wants slippers, she will buy some. Never worry…
• Any facial treatments, using the words ” anti ageing” In your eyes she is forever 39!
• A subscription to the Book Club – she knows what she wants to read. Don’t second guess!

So there we go, Gents. The choice is yours. Do you want to keep this lady by your side for a while longer or are you thinking of trading her in? Come to that, be careful, maybe she is already thinking of trading you in. Who knows….. who cares…?